Frankie & Me Read online

  Praise for Marie Yates

  Marie Yates is an author and coach who works with survivors of rape and sexual abuse. She brings a very special expertise in writing Reggie & Me. A thoughtful and thought-provoking work of fiction, Reggie and Me is one of those deftly written novels that lingers in the mind and memory long after it is finished and set back upon the shelf. Very highly recommended for both community and academic library collections.

  Julie Summers, Midwest Book Review

  Reggie & Me is a heart-warming tale of survival after the most difficult of circumstances. Marie Yates has written a totally realistic and heart-rending story about the power of healing assisted by the love of a four-legged friend, filled with identifiable and inspirational characters that practically leap off the page. Thomas E. Sniegoski, New York Times Bestselling author of THE FALLEN series, and the BONE: QUEST FOR THE SPARK trilogy.

  Reggie & Me is an extremely inspiring ‘must read’ for any young person. The book offers a contemplation of the trials of teenage life, as the positive story carries its reader through the struggle of mastering them. We hope that Dani will inspire many other young people to take up our sport and improve their mental and physical wellbeing.’

  British Taekwondo

  Reggie & Me is a strong and courageous portrayal of a young girl’s survival of rape. It is written from an autobiographical stance and it makes the book very real as a testimony of her survival, the style of language and expression is one representation of the parlance of young people themselves and I think this will make the book more ‘appealing’ and readable to this audience too. The strong feature of the book, which is particularly powerful, is that Marie writes from the heart and with a young person’s voice and her remarkable strength in her recovery may well be an inspiration to others as victims and those who can support a young person in this recovery.

  Ruth Jones OBE, Director of the National Centre for the Study and Prevention of Violence and Abuse at the University of Worcester

  I have already recommended Reggie & Me to a brave young woman and her mother who were both in need of support and understanding. I can imagine recommending it many more times. The book is written in an engaging style for young readers who need to know that they’re not weird and they’re not alone. I look forward to reading more about Dani and Reggie in the remaining books. I would encourage both professionals and parents who are supporting young people living with the impact of sexual abuse to introduce them to the Dani Moore Trilogy. Dr Nina Burrowes, Psychologist, Speaker, Author

  First published by Lodestone Books, 2018 Lodestone Books is an imprint of John Hunt Publishing Ltd., No. 3 East Street, Alresford, Hampshire SO24 9EE, UK

  [email protected]

  www.johnhuntpublishing.com

  For distributor details and how to order please visit the ‘Ordering’ section on our website.

  Text copyright: Marie Yates 2017

  ISBN: 978 1 78535 772 5

  978 1 78535 773 2 (ebook)

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2017943743

  All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publishers.

  The rights of Marie Yates as author have been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  Design: Stuart Davies

  Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY, UK

  We operate a distinctive and ethical publishing philosophy in all areas of our business, from our global network of authors to production and worldwide distribution.

  In memory of Stephanie Slater, who’s courage to share her story of survival changed my life and to whom I will be forever grateful.

  Other Books in the Dani Moore Trilogy by Marie Yates

  Reggie & Me

  FINALIST WINTER 2014/2015 THE PEOPLE’S BOOK PRIZE

  (Lodestone Books, 978-1-78279-723-4)

  Sammy & Me

  (Lodestone Books, 978-1-78535-502-8)

  One

  I raced out of that cinema and didn’t look back. It was halfway through the film, after a most incredible moment with Frankie, and I just ran. I haven’t told her yet or replied to her message of ‘WTF just happened? x.’

  WTF did just happen? My grandma died. That’s what happened.

  In the cinema, I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. It wouldn’t stop, which was weird because Mum never called when I was out, and I was with everyone else who might have been calling me.

  I thought it was one of the girls having a joke, so reached for my phone and saw twenty-four missed calls from Mother Dearest. There was a text, which said, ‘Please Come Home.’

  My first thought was ‘Reggie’. Why else would she be calling? There was an emergency, that much was obvious, and Mum was well enough to be using the phone so that left the only other being on earth that I loved more than life itself, my dog and best friend, Reggie.

  I replied just saying ‘on way’ and I ran. I didn’t want to talk on the phone, I didn’t want to have to wait for her to pick it up, I wanted to get home and see Reggie.

  My phone vibrated again in my pocket and, looking quickly, I could see messages from my friends:

  Callie – oi, dude, what’s up? x

  Maya – Are you okay? Where’d you go? x

  Katie – Call me, mate … what did Frankie do? x

  That made me smile as I ran. What had Frankie done? She had done everything right and I’d run away. ‘Reggie has to be okay, he has to be okay,’ I repeated as I continued running all all the way home.

  I’m ashamed to admit that as I burst through the front door to be greeted by an excited, yet somewhat confused Reggie, the initial relief soon turned to anger as I could see Mum being comforted by her boyfriend Sammy, but I could also see that Reggie was absolutely fine. So, what had been so important that I’d needed to receive twenty-four missed calls?

  ‘I was in the middle of the film.’ The words came spilling out of my insensitive mouth in a tone that made Sammy mouth ‘sit down’ in a silent command. I sat, so did Reggie. I was impressed.

  ‘Dani, thanks for coming home,’ Mum said in a broken voice.

  Okay, so that made me feel even worse. ‘I had a call from your grandpa to tell us that your grandma died suddenly this morning.’

  She burst into tears and I didn’t know what to do. Sammy was comforting her, which I was pleased about as I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. My head was spinning with questions but nothing came out of my mouth. I was shocked, but I didn’t cry. I looked to Reggie, who did his cute, quizzical head tilt, and smiled.

  I smiled. I couldn’t believe I’d smiled.

  ‘Dani, are you okay?’ Mum asked.

  I created a new mantra of don’t look at Reggie, don’t look at Reggie, in my head. ‘I don’t know. She wasn’t ill,’ I helpfully pointed out.

  Mum began to explain. ‘Grandpa hasn’t told me everything yet as he was obviously upset on the phone. The doctor said that she understands Mum – Grandma – was feeling unwell this morning and went back to bed. When Dad – I mean Grandpa – went up an hour or so later with a cuppa, she wasn’t responding so he called the ambulance and kept trying to wake her up. In the rush, he forgot to take his mobile phone and couldn’t remember our number, but Grandma never woke up, and they said at the hospital that there was nothing they could do. They thought it was a massive stroke.’

  ‘Poor Grandpa, how is he?’ I asked, but Mum couldn’t answer. She held out her arms for me to go to her but instead I reached for my phone to call him. He was on his own. I had never seen him on his own and I didn’t
think he’d know what to do without Grandma.

  I saw the messages from my friends but didn’t know what to reply. Grandpa wasn’t picking up the phone, and Mum was crying and I had no idea what to do. A stroke? I’d learnt about strokes in a science lesson. I thought it had something to do with blood being cut off from the brain. Had it hurt? Had she been in pain? Had she known what was happening? I wished I had listened.

  ‘Dani, we’re going to need to pack a bag and go and stay with Grandpa to help sort everything out.’

  I knew that was the right thing to do but every part of my body was screaming, ‘I don’t want to go.’ I was worried I’d screamed it out loud as Mum said, ‘I know you don’t want to go, I know it’ll be hard to go and stay there, but Grandpa needs our help. I’m their only child and I need your help.’

  Once again, it felt as though she was reading my mind as she continued, ‘I don’t know how long we’ll need to be there for, but work have said I can take the time I need to get everything sorted out and to go to the funeral.’ She cried as she added quietly, ‘I’ve never arranged a funeral before. I don’t know what to do.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Sammy said, ‘the funeral director will talk you through everything and you can all make the decisions together.’ For the first time since Sammy had come into our lives, I wished he was coming with us. He seemed to know what to say and what to do.

  ‘Reggie’s coming with us,’ Mum said. ‘Grandpa asked if he could come.’

  The relief must have been obvious; my face never hid what I was feeling, and I instantly felt stronger. ‘Okay, I’ll go and pack our bags, mine and Reggie’s,’ I said, feeling I needed to explain.

  What was I going to say to Frankie?

  Two

  I’m supposed to be packing. Instead, I’ve spent the last half an hour staring at the message from Frankie. I have so many things I want to say and I have no idea where to start.

  I quickly type, ‘Really sorry, my grandma died. Stuff going on here, will txt later. Sorry x.’

  I guess that’s a start. At least she knows I didn’t run off because of what she said. Because of what we both said. That she likes me, and I like her.

  We said that out loud. Well, she did, and I replied, but that still counts. I didn’t see it coming at all and yet as soon as she said those words, ‘You know I like you, right,’ my whole world made sense. It was the most obvious thing to reply, ‘You know I like you too, right.’

  I felt my phone vibrating as we spoke. I didn’t wanted to check it, but knew I had to.

  What would have happened if I had stayed? I wish I could have. I feel bad even thinking that now.

  Is this the pattern of my life, something amazing happens, so something horrible has to happen next? I had an amazing, easy life, and then I was raped and everything went horribly wrong. Then we adopted Reggie, which was the best day ever, and then I had the worst year at my new school, being bullied and feeling as if I would never get out of the black hole. I made friends, moved to sixth form and then Mum met Sammy, which, in fairness has turned out okay, but there were some really bad days when he was first around. I know that wasn’t the worst thing ever, and maybe I could have been a bit nicer about the relationship, but it was tough. Now, I’ve had a moment where someone has actually said she likes me, and I have said I like her back, on the very day Grandma died. Maybe she’s not happy that I like a girl. Nah, she died before Frankie said it.

  I look at the text I sent to Frankie. I can’t believe I wrote that. Why am I not crying?

  As soon as I hear the beep, my heart leaps. ‘Are you okay, hun? So sorry to hear the news, I’ll see you really soon x.’ Then my stomach sinks. It’s Jane, not Frankie. Mum’s best friend will always be someone I can count on, but she isn’t the one I want to hear from.

  Jane probably knows Grandma better than I do. I feel bad that I haven’t thought about her. She’s been Mum’s best friend forever and must have spent half her childhood with my grandparents. This is a rubbish day for her too.

  ‘Sad and shocked, but okay. Howz u? x,’ I reply.

  Jane is her usual philosophical self, which is to be expected. She can’t switch off being a psychologist for a minute. ‘Death is the only certainty in life, Dani. We have to make the most of every day and remember your grandma with a smile x.’

  She knows how to make a crappy day even crappier. I know she’s trying to make me feel better, but it hasn’t worked. What if this is it? What if every good thing that that happens is followed by something horrible? Is it better to have an ‘okay’ life where nothing really great happens? Will that make the crappy days hurt less? I guess not.

  I suppose Jane will come up with a reason for all this. ‘Focus on the good stuff and remember that life is unfair sometimes,’ she’d say in a professional way. What can possibly be good about Grandma dying? Nothing. Mum’s crying, Grandpa must be heartbroken, and I might lose the one person who actually likes me. That’s not Grandma’s fault, but there’s nothing good about this at all.

  ‘I can’t remember the last thing we talked about,’ I say to Mum when she comes up to see how I’m doing.

  ‘Me neither.’ Mum smiles as she joins Reggie on the floor of my bedroom. He rolls over to make it clear he wants fuss and Mum happily obliges as we sit quietly, drinking our tea. ‘Sammy’s making us something to eat and then we’ll get going if that’s okay with you?’

  Reggie hears the words ‘get going’ and thinks that means something much more exciting than what is actually going to happen. ‘Good idea,’ I say to him and get up to take him out.

  ‘The fresh air will do us all good,’ Mum says, and she stands. ‘Let’s leave Sammy to the cooking and have a quick walk.’

  That’s it. Mum has said the ‘w’ word and the atmosphere has changed immediately. No amount of crying or sadness can get in the way of smiling at an excited Reggie when he hears the word ‘walk’.

  Walking together through a quiet park, we play with Reggie and talk about what we need to pack.

  Getting our stuff together will be easy, but the amount of kit Reggie needs usually means there won’t be much space left for our bags. Having a big dog means he also has a big bed, needs big towels to prevent a big mess, and needs a big bag of food. There’s the big bowl for the big food and big toys to keep him occupied. The back of our car will be filled with everything he needs with our bags squished wherever there is room. We won’t have it any other way and I think we are both relieved he is coming with us as a distraction from what is happening.

  ‘It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll figure out how to deal with it,’ Mum says, and she puts her arm around me. ‘We always do.’

  Three

  ‘Will you please put that phone away!’ Mum had become increasingly annoying the closer we had got to Grandpa’s house last night. It had been a long drive and I’d spent most of it staring at my phone, wishing Frankie would reply.

  She still hadn’t by the time we arrived and after some hugs and tears were sitting in the living room looking at each other.

  Frankie must have seen the message. Why wouldn’t she reply? Had I upset her so much that she wasn’t even going to talk to me about Grandma dying? I felt my head was going to explode. It wasn’t the best situation I’d ever been in. Mum was upset, Grandpa was sitting in his chair, staring at Grandma’s empty chair, and it was my job to keep Reggie off their sofa, well, his sofa now I supposed.

  He was allowed on the sofa at home so it made total sense to him that all sofas were designed especially for him to stretch out on. Grandpa said he didn’t mind.

  ‘Mum never liked him going on the sofa,’ my mum replied, and then cried.

  I decided it would be my mission to make him love lying on his bed instead. Armed with his favourite treats and his favourite toys, I made sure that his bed was better than the sofa.

  It was all going well until Grandpa’s friend came over, sat down and tapped on the sofa as he called out, ‘Come here, mate. Come and ha
ve some fuss.’

  Reggie ran over and happily obliged. Grandpa winked at me as Mum stormed off to the kitchen muttering, ‘What’s the point?’

  At least something made Grandpa smile. I was relieved he was watching Reggie make a new friend and not staring at Grandma’s chair.

  Grandpa’s friend had lost his wife a couple of years before too, and I felt awkward being there as they started talking. Mum was washing up and still muttering, so I escaped to my room for the rest of the evening.

  People say that staring at your phone doesn’t make it beep. They’re wrong. They obviously didn’t stare at it for long enough, like I have all day.

  ‘So soz, babe, my battery died, r u ok? x.’

  I breathe out for what feels like the first time in hours. Frankie has replied. She doesn’t hate me. She called me babe, what does that mean? Wait, she always calls me babe. She doesn’t hate me.

  Before I have a chance to start replying, the phone beeps again. ‘Shit, soz, shouldn’t have said died, really soz x.’ Yep, she really doesn’t hate me.

  Frankie must be with the others as my phone is beeping away with condolences. My friends have been worried about me and it feels like a lifetime ago that we were sitting in the cinema rather than twenty-four hours ago.

  It feels like my life is a million miles away. Being back here, just down the road from our old house, is not where I want to be. I haven’t been outside yet.

  Mum was up this morning and took Reggie out before I had the chance because she knew I didn’t want to see anyone from ‘before’. It wasn’t far from here that I was raped on my way home from school.

  Also, it was dark when we drove here last night, and I noticed that Mum had taken a two-mile detour to get to Grandpa’s. She said she might ‘pop to the shop’ but we both knew it was closed and she reached out and touched my arm as we turned right, instead of left, which would have taken us past that place.